Question: In your last column, you recommended to readers that they share their estate plans with their kids or, at the very least, let them know that the planning has been done. My siblings and I wholeheartedly agree with you! For years we would talk amongst ourselves and speculate whether my mom and dad had any plans in place and, if so, what they were.
Two years ago, they sat us all down and let us know that they had plans in place, who they chose to be trustee (me), and who will be responsible for their health care decisions if they needed someone to advocate for them in a health crisis. I can’t tell you what a relief it was for all of us to know what to do and where to find the documents and information that will be needed should the time come. My father, an engineer, even put together step-by-step instructions for me to follow and what will be important and what will not.
For instance, my dad said that immediately after death, the most important thing to focus on is getting the funeral plans in place. Part of this will be to have the death certificates issued. Other than this, everything else like letting the banks know or attending to other financial matters could be addressed later. He emphasized to focus on just the funeral and proper burial of our parents. He said that we would be grieving so we should not make any rash decisions about property and finances. He asked us to be respectful of each other and not “get ahead of yourselves” regarding splitting up their property.
All in all, while the discussion was sad and some of us cried, eventually we felt much more peaceful around this reality. So, yes, we agree that plans should be shared with your children. My sibs and I did not want to ask them; it would have been extremely uncomfortable for any of us to broach the subject. Your kids may not be asking you about your plans, but they are almost surely wondering what will happen when you go.
Answer: Well said and thank you for sharing your family’s experience. As an aside, I love working with engineers. They are usually so methodical in their planning and address almost everything that could or may arise.
I will add to your comment about waiting to make financial decisions after the death of a loved one. When we have clients who lose a spouse, we advise them to put off making any large decisions like the sale of a home for at least 18 months. Your father is right, grief does cloud decision making and, if possible, large decisions of any kind should be postponed. This is one of the reasons we encourage clients to have funeral or other disposition plans in place rather than leaving this to our loved ones. It is very stressful for a child to do this planning in the days after losing a parent and sometimes the decisions made by the child are regretted later.
Also, make sure your children or loved ones know your preferences regarding an obituary. If possible, do a draft of your obit yourself and let your people know where you would like it to be published. Alternatively, if you do not want an obit, let them know that, too.
As a trustee, you, of course, cannot wait 18 months to start making financial decisions. Most likely, your parents picked you as trustee because they trusted your level headedness – even though you will also be grieving. Usually, a trust administration can be completed in under a year so you will need to make large financial decisions on behalf of the beneficiaries of the trust. As trustee, your decisions are final but, to the extent possible, make these decisions in consultation (and agreement) with your siblings.
Kudos to you and your parents for making the tough decisions well in advance of the need.
Liza Horvath has over 30 years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is the president of Monterey Trust Management, a financial and trust Management Company. This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. If you have a question call (831) 646-5262 or email liza@montereytrust.com
