Q: You have been writing about sharing our estate plans with our kids and seem to think it is a good idea. Well, I couldn’t disagree more! I shared my plans with my kids three years ago and, since then, one of my children has not spoken with me. We are keeping his funds in a trust because he spends every nickel that comes into his hands and we suspect part of the problem is drug use.
In retrospect, I should have said nothing and let my other children deal with the fallout. This son is making my life miserable. When I’m gone, I won’t care how they deal with him, right?
A: While I certainly can’t answer whether or not you will care about this after you are gone, I can opine on what’s happening now.
In the initial column I wrote about sharing estate plans with our children, I said “Ultimately, you know your kids better than anyone, so you are best suited to make the decision of whether to fully disclose all your plans or just share some of the material information.” Had you come to me three years ago and asked about fully disclosing your plans, my advice would most likely have been to be cautious of how much to share given your concerns with this son and the different treatment between your kids.
With 20/20 hindsight, we see that it was a mistake to share the details. Perhaps only letting them know that you have plans in place and who they should reach out to (attorney, trustee) on your death would have been enough and saved you the heartache you are now experiencing.
But keep in mind that things may change for you between now and death. The son who is facing these challenges may turn his life around and you may decide to change your plans and treat him the same as your other children. Or, and I hope this does not happen, you may outlive this son given his apparent risky lifestyle. I am sorry you are experiencing this turmoil, but my original recommendation stands: Let kids know you have plans in place and share as much information as you feel will be in their best interests.
Q: During my mom’s life, she always told me that I would inherit an investment property she owned and the rest of her assets would be split evenly between “her children.” Late in her life, she married a man who had children of his own. They were married for a long time – 20 years. When she died, I found out that she left everything, including the investment property, equally to “her children” but this includes my stepdad’s kids! I don’t get the investment property and just a small share of her overall estate.
Since she told me repeatedly that I would get the investment property, I am considering getting an attorney. Since she told me that I would receive certain property on her death, but her documents say otherwise, will I win if I sue?
A: Oral agreements are enforceable in some states and under certain circumstances but generally speaking, signed estate plans prevail. Speak with a good estate litigation attorney who can look into all the facts and advise you about pursuing this matter. Also, if your mom’s estate planning documents included a “no-contest” clause, make sure your attorney considers this before taking any formal action.
Liza Horvath has over 30 years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is the president of Monterey Trust Management, a financial and trust management company. This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. If you have a question call (831) 646-5262 or email liza@montereytrust.com
