Every year when Valentine’s Day rolls around, the search is on for something to symbolize and express true love. Flowers or candy usually work well, as does a diamond tennis bracelet. But sometimes all that is needed is to tap into the language of love.
Some of the greatest love lines of all times have come from movies, and certain phrases catch on if they are right for the times. In 1942, for example, in the film “Casablanca,” Humphrey Bogart looked deeply into the eyes of Ingrid Berman and said, “We’ll always have Paris.” You can borrow the phrase and substitute someplace that holds a special memory for you. “We’ll always have Los Gatos.” Or “We’ll always have Baja Cantina.” Not quite the same, but it might work.
If 1970 is more your style, Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw looked into each other’s eyes in “Love Story” and said, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” That one has gotten a lot of miles over the years, but it’s also caused some arguments.
In 1987, in “Dirty Dancing,” Jennifer Gray set the bar high when she told Patrick Swayze, “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my life the way I feel when I’m with you.” Of course, if you could dance the way those two danced, you might not have to say a word.
The 1990s produced a number of good love lines. In 1996, in “Jerry Maguire,” Tom Cruise said to Renee Zellweger, “You complete me.” For couples who have been married a long time, it might be more to the point to say, “You complete my sentences.” Anyone who remembers the movie “Notting Hill” from 1999 also will probably recall Julia Roberts telling Hugh Grant, “I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”
In 2004, “The Notebook” was filled with romantic dialogue but what especially stands out is Ryan Gosling saying to Rachel McAdams, “I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.” Who could say no to that? The word “forever” carries a lot of weight and that’s why in 2018, in “A Star is Born,” Lady Gaga says to Bradley Cooper, “I hope it’s OK if I love you forever.” That Lady Gaga always was kind of insecure, but I can’t remember – did he say it was OK?
Probably the line with the longest running track record appeared in “Titantic” in 1997 when Leonard DiCaprio said to Kate Winslett, “I see you,” and then the Avatars in “Avatar” repeated the line in 2025. “I see you” was a staple in the Na’vi culture. It’s also a staple in the Bachelor and Bachelorette series on TV. Participants will often – whenever they aren’t saying “amazing” — say “he sees me” or “I feel seen.” Being seen is very important to contenders on the show.
All of these love lines are random and possibly useful, but in that romantic decade of the 1990s, a Baptist pastor named Gary Chapman pulled it all together in a book titled “Love Languages,” in which he describes five main ways of expressing and receiving love. The concept is if you really want to sustain true love, you’ll want to know and understand what says “love” to your mate.
These five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Words of affirmation can include compliments, encouragement, and love notes. Quality time means putting aside distractions and being present and attentive when you are together. Some people feel loved the most through physical touch, which can mean holding hands, cuddling, giving your partner a massage. (Sex fits into this category, but it has to be good sex.) As for acts of service, this love language can be helping with chores, running errands without being asked, or if you have a baby, changing a diaper when it’s really the other person’s turn. Finally, receiving gifts – which brings us back to that diamond tennis bracelet.
So the perfect Valentine’s Day celebration might be picking up Chinese take-out, cuddling on the couch, telling your mate they’ve never looked better, handing over a little black jewelry box, and then looking deeply into their eyes and saying, “Please pass the soy sauce.”
Cheryl Harbour is a Carmel Valley resident and author of the book “Good to be Grand, making the most of your grandchild’s first year.”
