There are three NBA franchises that truly drive the league’s national television ratings. They’re the needle-moving, cash-printing monoliths that keep broadcast executives employed and advertising rates from crashing:
The Knicks, the Lakers, and the Golden State Warriors.
So it is absolutely no surprise that ABC’s “Saturday Primetime” showcase this weekend features a collision between the latter two teams. When the schedule dropped, network brass had to be drooling over this matchup.
Now this, they undoubtedly told themselves, will get a massive Nielsen number.
It was a foolproof plan. right?
There’s just one problem:
Both of these teams stink.
Sure, if you look at the Western Conference standings, you’ll see that the Lakers currently hold the No. 6 seed — a true, guaranteed playoff spot. The Warriors are at 31-28, impossibly bound to at least a play-in tournament berth because the bottom tier of the West has completely surrendered.
But have you actually watched these two squads play?
There is not much to enjoy here.
This isn’t a clash of titans; it’s a prime-time hostage situation for die-hard fans.
The Warriors are currently operating without Stephen Curry and Jimmy Butler. Without those two, this season is devoid of any sense of serious meaning. Curry will, presumably, return at some point. But that point won’t be Saturday. And frankly, it’s hard to imagine Curry’s return factoring into the NBA’s May and June storyline.
Golden State is less of a functional NBA contender right now and more like the team embodiment of a middle-aged guy who was just divorced. They’re really, really adamant that they’re having a good time, you guys.
But a Warriors game without Curry is like a Rolling Stones concert without Mick Jagger. Meanwhile, the touring band changes by the day, and they’re all getting solos.
Get ready to enjoy some Malevy Leons licks, America.
Then there are the Lakers, who are coming to a very dark, very expensive conclusion in real time. When Los Angeles acquired Luka Dončić in the shock trade of the century, it was supposed to guarantee a parade down Figueroa. Instead, the Slovenian James Harden is showing the exact same limitations and attitudes that saw Dallas frantically dump him.
Dončić is statistically brilliant, but this isn’t baseball. He holds the ball, he stops the offensive flow, and he barks at the referees while his man leaks out for a transition layup. It’s a spectacular, high-scoring brand of losing basketball.
While Dallas’s return in that blockbuster deal was undeniably abysmal, I have maintained all along that the Mavericks weren’t totally off base for wanting to get out of the Luka business. They saw the ceiling. They felt the exhaustion of catering to a superstar who demands every offensive possession but rejects the accountability.
But with LeBron James finally showing his age, and in no position to say no to someone like Dončić, the Lakers have gone all-in on the kid from Ljubljana, and the ennui that’s surrounding the team is palpable even in Northern California. James is staring into the middle distance while Luka pounds the air out of the Spalding for twenty seconds per possession. It has Lakers fans clamoring for Austin Reaves like he’s the second coming of Jerry West.
Again, a dark, dark place.
The Warriors at least had the salad days. They can enjoy this strange end of greatness with fond memories of the past. And who knows what will happen in the future? Could be bad, could be great. Probably will look a lot like what we’ve seen already this season.
In short, things could be worse.
After all, you could be the Lakers, who are looking down the pipe at at least three more years of this.
And with that as the backdrop, millions of people will still tune in on Saturday night. The jerseys still say “Lakers” and “Warriors,” after all. And in the modern NBA, brand loyalty often supersedes product quality.
Those desperate TV executives will probably get their coveted rating.
And the folks watching at home will get some strange basketball.
